VanTracy

I just realized I was goobered by Jubilee’s icky bananas on my way out the door this morning. I’m wondering if no one at work looks at me or if I so regularly have baby food smeared on my clothes anymore that no one thinks to say anything. O_o

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That thing where I’m trying to cheer up a coworker with pictures of my fat baby, but have to carefully monitor how far the pictures get panned so she doesn’t see my naked pictures. Yeah, that.

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Hilarious. The way to get reblogged is to post a dumb picture.

Le sigh.

I wish I could donate my boobs to someone who would actually get some use out of them.

Old chat I stumbled across just now.

• me: I dreamed that the entire Harry Potter universe was men and they were using their penises as wands. Gayest dream ever.
• Frank: Yeah.
• And that's not even a girly dreaming about naked men dream.
• That's straight up gay.
• me: Yeah.
• I'm a gay man.
• Frank: you have a pee pee.
• Check.

Titan is my insane dog.

• Frank: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster
• me: Holy shit!
• Frank: what would Titan do?
• me: Eat it all. Probably hump the dead people laying in it.
• Frank: shudgugp
• shgul;g
• me: Hehehehehhehehehehe
• It makes me CACKLE every time you can't type "shut up."
• Frank: heheheheheh I almost laughed and the phone was ringing ;)
• I imagined a molasses covered Titan with tissue paper stuck to him and waving in the wind humping corpses with this happy look on his face.
• me: LOL!!

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I recently had some strange and seemingly unrelated health problems. Tired, achy, unusually active seasonal allergies, breakouts and my lip split and wouldn’t heal. I started doing some research online and it all pointed back to that thing I didn’t want it to. My dietary allergies.

I’m allergic to gluten and very likely dairy.

This cuts out most food and the food I can eat, doesn’t typically have a lot of calories in it. In a nutshell, I can eat meat, veggies, fruit, rice and quinoa. That’s pretty limited and most things that taste good take a lot of time to prepare, so I end up running out of time at night. This is inconvenient because I don’t get to see my daughter during the day and then she’s only awake for two hours while I’m home at night before it’s time for her to go to bed. So, I’m inclined to skip and go without which isn’t healthy and (understandably) annoys my husband. (And has made me lose a pants size in the last 10 days.)

I’m trying to find quick meals that I can prepare in advance or for the week. The problem is that gluten free breads have to be eaten the same day and take a lot of time to prepare. Additionally, rice and other grains don’t reheat well. I don’t use a microwave for anything, which means more time in the kitchen.

At least it’s grill season so I can throw a chicken breast on the grill and then toss it with some greens. For now, I’m loving that, but I hope I don’t get burned out on it. Salads get boring very fast which is why I stopped being good and started eating whatever again the last time. When I started feeling terrible this time and realized it was to do with food, I quit again. My lip healed in three days after being split and actively bleeding for two weeks, my skin cleared up and I had energy again. Go fig.

It kinda makes me sad because I’m not a fussy person. Now I have to be fussy and rather than going “Eh, it’s only one meal that’s bad. It won’t hurt me too bad…” I have to say “Actually, I brought my own food…” My lip splitting like it did and not healing was scary. I kinda have to eat around the things I shouldn’t have now. I don’t want to be picky, dammit! :/

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I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’ve painted every night for the last couple nights. I sat down at my computer desk on Thursday but didn’t do anything on the computer. Instead, I thought ‘I wonder how fast I can paint Frankenstein.’ and I set to it. I think it was about 4.5 hours for a 16x20 version of him but I’m sure I’ll still tweak it.

Painted a little pink monster last night. Need to finish it, but it’s pretty cute.

I also started another background for a different, more abstract painting. Probably going to incorporate other mediums into it.

I have no idea where this creative burst has come from. O_o

Also, I’ve decided I hate canvas. It’s too rough with acrylic. Acrylic dries too fast and it makes me crazy. Might have to restrict canvas to oils. I reeeeeeally like oils. I like changing a painting a bunch of times and blending and blending and blending and blending until it’s right.

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I need a place to post artwork. I might put it here. I feel better when I create.

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I don’t know why, but I keep thinking about this.

There was this very brief, very fleeting moment two years ago, but I keep thinking about it. It’s one of those things you’d file under “missed connections” on Craigslist. It was after Chinese New Year and there were so many people trying to get onto the train that we couldn’t even walk.

I kept making eye contact with this beautiful woman. We would meet eyes, smile then look away. Over and over again. At the time, it struck me, but I didn’t really realize what it meant for me. After all, there were hundreds of us trying to get through the turnstiles to get to the trains. There wasn’t a lot to look at besides each other.

I still think about her.

She was very normal looking. Light eyes, long straight blonde hair. Dressed for the cold. Beautiful pale skin. Her smile was so sweet and totally killer.

It’s like I miss her and I never even knew her.

It was such a magical moment and it was really nothing at the same time.
I told my friend about it and he thinks I should put up a Missed Connection and see if she responds. I feel like it’s been two years so there’s no real possibility. He argues that our luck is fucked up so why not give it a shot. LOL :)

I just don’t know.

 

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I’m not really sure why it’s depressing to watch my pillbox empty, but it is.

I had someone tell me that I shouldn’t feel the way I feel yesterday. I told him I didn’t really feel like I had a choice. He changed the subject.

That’s kinda how it goes, I guess.

I woke up in an awful mood today. Bad enough that D wouldn’t let me hold my daughter because I was slamming drawers and doors and stuff. It’s easy for me to think I want to blame him for how I felt, but really I think it’s just the roller-coaster I’m on.

I read a news article about a teen that committed suicide. They re-posted his last blog post and it’s eerie how similar we feel. I was disturbed and at least partially because I would have liked to talk to him, if just to have someone to relate to.

Ugh.